BURNT OUT IX

“Aren’t you forgetting something though? Shouldn’t you add the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech to it? To make this scene a classic?” she was goading him and he knew it but still.

“Esther, do you mind? I’m going out now.” He said. Without another word, Esther turned, picked up her purse from where she had left it and walked out……………….

**************

“I heard that you’re settled down

That you found a girl and you’re married now.

I heard that your dreams came true.

Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you.”

Esther heard the song faintly in the background. She couldn’t at once tell if she was dreaming or if this were reality. The pain the song invoked felt too real for it to be a dream and yet she had that floating feeling she usually gets with dreams.

“…….. I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.

I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded

That for me it isn’t over.

Chorus:

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too

Don’t forget me, I beg

I remember you said,

“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”,

“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”.”

                 

By the time Adele finished singing the chorus of her; “someone like you”, Esther was wide awake and her pillow was already soaking wet with her tears. The song seemed to be coming from the other room, Miriam’s room. ‘Damn it, damn it, damn it!!’ she muttered angrily to herself. Disappointed with herself as she always was when something like this happened. ‘It’s been four months for heaven’s sake! Get over it, Esther!’

She took out her phone from under her pillow to check the time. It was 4am. She also saw that she had two missed calls and wondered with irritation, who it was but she didn’t check to see. She knew it would be difficult for her to go back to sleep now. The song kept droning on in the background of her thoughts. She got up and went to Miriam’s room to find her sleeping peacefully. She went to tune the volume of her laptop down and then changed her mind and switched the damn thing off, altogether.

It was Friday and she had to go to work, plus she had a date this evening. A date she wished she could cancel. She hoped she could go back to sleep for at least an hour though. She had finally gotten a job as an administrative assistant for a start-up firm. Administrative assistant, a fancy term for secretary but it kept her occupied and the bills paid. It had been a month now since she started working and four months now since the fiasco with George. She had survived the first month without disintegrating and the other three months convincing people, especially Miriam, that she was over it and him. Only her pillow can contradict that if it could, but since it literally cannot talk, her secret was safe.

Today’s date was with some guy named Kwame Agyeman. Kwame gave Esther the impression that he was a bit of a ‘know it all’ the first time they met. He was head of the accounts department at her firm. He had fit her category of guys she planned on dating henceforth; guys she didn’t like. Guys she was in no danger of falling for. So far, she’d done pretty well in her own estimation. Miriam disagreed with her; called her logic, ‘twisted’, as she had reminded her yesterday. She could afford to say that, she wasn’t the one hurting.

Miriam thinks she should give Fiifi a try because, as she puts it, the two of them have chemistry. ‘Give Fiifi a try! She didn’t know men were dresses to be tried on and taken off.’ Miriam was right on one count though. She seemed to have some sort of chemistry with Fiifi and it was precisely because of that, that she didn’t want to ‘give him a try’. If she was going to be donning guys on and taking them off like she did her dresses, better it be guys there was no risk of her falling for. Getting emotionally attached to any guy presently was taboo for her.

She checked her missed calls and hoped it wasn’t George again, as he had made it a habit of calling her for the past two weeks now. It was Fiifi who had called. ‘What did he want at 2am?’ Fiifi, the guy she had met in the trotro months ago. He had called out of the blue about three months back and they had become friends. Quite good friends, one might say. He had helped her secure her current job.

“So what happened between you and your boyfriend?” Kwame asked.

‘Didn’t someone tell this guy that one of the dumbest things you can do is spend your first date talking about your date’s ex? What a way to sour up an evening.’

She just hated it when people think they know her and have got George’s number just because they’ve watched a few movies and read a few books.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“He hurt you that bad, huh?”

Everyone seems to want her to get over George and move on, including herself. What baffles her though, is that, these same people keep bringing him up. And this guy is about to get the brunt of her irritation if he doesn’t drop the issue.

“No, I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did you love him very much?” ‘Like seriously??’

“I thought this was supposed to be a friendly outing? I didn’t know it was an interview to help you win journalist of the year.” He raised his hands in mock surrender then.

“My bad. Didn’t mean to sound inquisitive. Sometimes I forget myself.” ‘Oh no, you don’t.’ But she kept her mouth clamped. The evening was already ruined.

Yes, George had hurt her. Yes, she is still hurting and yes, she’ll probably castrate the oaf if he pushes her far enough but that gives nobody, NOBODY the right to judge him much less in front of her. It is her business. People should just give the whole issue a rest already.

After thirty minutes of trying to redeem the evening by talking about other stuff, she saw the date wasn’t going well so she suggested they call it a night.

“All because I talked about your ex? Do you get angry at everything all the time?”

“No, I get angry at specific things at specific times. Can we go now?”

“No, I’m not quite done yet. If you are in such a hurry, you can go on ahead.”

In that moment, she had to watch herself not to overturn the contents of her glass on his head. All the thoughts and insults running through her head which she could heap on this guy. She calmed herself down, got up, took her purse which was hanging by her side on her chair and walked out of the restaurant. One of these days, someone was going to push her too far………………